5 Hard Lessons for Long Distance Commuters

For a couple decades, I lived the life of a corporate nomad --- Washington DC, Kentucky, Connecticut, Toronto, Minnesota… even consideration of a move to Argentina. Before I realized it, the window had closed on what my family would endure. We moved from Minnesota to California, as I took a role leading a marketing organization. We bought a house in Orinda, CA, about as pretty a spot as you can find. We moved in just before the school year started. 
From Day 1, the kids were miserable. They missed their friends. They missed their school. The happy life and sense of home they associated with Minnesota were yanked away. We had a buyer for our house, but the sale fell through. I came home from work, and I saw my wife looking at our Minnesota house for sale online, crying.  By December, we had bought our old Minnesota house back from the relocation company and had everybody happily home for a Minnesota Christmas.
Then my commute started. I bought a condo in Walnut Creek. I flew to California Monday morning and back to Minnesota Friday afternoon. Made Platinum status on Delta by July each year. I took myself out of succession consideration for the CEO role, because I would not commit to more than a three-year tenure, one lap around a long-term incentive. After 2 ½ years of commuting, my business merged with another company, my position was eliminated and I moved back to Minnesota full-time.
There were lessons learned along the way, lessons I have heard repeated by others whose commutes cover long distances. The pain of failure is a good teacher. So, occasionally, is finding a strategy that works for you or others. Here are five critical considerations:

1. Seriously think about what you’re getting into. This is a higher risk decision than accepting other job offers. Commuting is expensive, financially as well as the toll it takes on your family. You pay for a second residence. You pay for your airfare. You pay for an extra car. Nobody at home is happy with the time you spend with them. Have a very good reason to take a job where commuting is a permanent way of life. And make sure your significant others are aligned with your decision.
2. Strike the right balance. Balancing the requirements of a full-time job with family life is difficult in the best of situations. It is compounded in a remote job. Sometimes, executives work four days in the office and one day at home. That day at home may be a bad compromise. Don’t let home distract your work or work distract your home life. Getting office space outside of your home can help.
3.  Listen to your body. I found leaving for work on Monday mornings to be the worst part of the week. It meant an early morning to catch a flight and a fitful night in preparation for the upcoming travel. In hindsight, I don’t think I was doing my family a favor being around on Sunday evening, and Monday afternoon in the office was a physical challenge. For me, leaving on Sunday evening would have been a better call.
4. Consider what your commute says to your employees. Their takeaway might be that you've never fully committed to the place where you work or the people you work with. An elevator speech about your situation might help. You love the opportunity this position provides you and how you can contribute. The personal trade-off is that your spouse has a job that is just as important to them, which means you will be living separately during the work week.
5. Put your time alone to good use. Take advantage of time away from home to get embedded in the community where you work. You’re alone and, unlike colleagues who live near work, your time out of the office doesn’t conflict with family activities. Become your company’s representative on local boards or chambers. Not only is it a good use of your time, but it is a demonstration of your interest in the place where your people live.

Given my own experience, execs have sought my advice on taking a position that requires a commute. Most of the time, I counsel against it. It’s tough enough to take on a new assignment of any kind, harder still to have to change cities for work. Commuting can create a permanent state of unsettlement. Still, for the right opportunity, the risk is worth taking. And I have friends who’ve had repeated successful long-distance stints, usually by deploying some or all of these five strategies.

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